M asked me to marry him. And I said yes.

Uh huh – you still said ‘what the fuck’, didnt you?

In an unexpected [...]]]> Hold onto your seats people, because there’s an announcement that will make you say “what the fuck??” at your desk in your open plan office space and make you spit coffee over your keyboard….

M asked me to marry him. And I said yes.

Uh huh – you still said ‘what the fuck’, didnt you?

In an unexpected (sort of) turn of events, M decided that now was the best time for us to get sorted out, relationship-wise. And I thought he had a pretty good point.

So, the basics: how, when, why?

So, he was at work, and hurt his back, badly. He went to the Dr who gave him some super-strong painkillers. He finished work early, and was driving home when he thought that actually, he would take the opportunity of the early mark to go and check the size and order a ring he had picked at the local jewellers  (and which he had already shown me).

He came home, and told me that he was just going up the road to get some deodorant and Orangina (French ‘Fanta’, except with real orange pulp). He occasionally gets Orangina cravings, so I didnt think anything of it.

He arrived at the jewellers. He wasnt sure of my size, and asked if he could come back another day. The assistant suggested that he just buy the ring now, to make sure it didnt get sold to someone else, and come back to have it resized if it didnt fit. (Note to self: OK, I think this is the stage where he started to get all a little bit too excited about things. The super-strength pain-killers may have played a part in this next decision). So he bought the ring, and together with the roll-on and fizzy drink, brought it home.

I was in the kitchen, getting dinner ready when he came back.

In his mind, he was just getting prepared. He thought he’d just buy the ring and ask me later, potentially  at our friend’s wedding in 2 weeks time, or for our one year ‘meeting’ anniversary the week after that. But he said he kept thinking about the ring, sitting in his chest of drawers He thought about going to sleep that night, knowing that the ring was just 1 metre away. After about 30mins, he said he just couldnt wait. (Note to self: I wonder which drawer he put it in? Undies? Tracksuit pants?)

He came into the kitchen and asked me to come into the lounge room to clink glasses on our red wine before drinking (a firm tradition between us). I thought it was just going to be a 2 second thing, so I didnt even wash the lemon juice off my hands. So we said “Sante”, and drank.

Then he pushed towards me a wetsuit material stubby-holder with the Australian flag on it: “It’s for you.”

I  was like, um, yeah, great, a stubby holder, that my Mum sent over for your birthday, and now its a gift for me – excellent. Then I saw a beautifully wrapped box inside.

I thought it was a chocolate.

It was a ring.

I asked him what he was trying to say (goddamnit, I’d waited my whole life to hear those effing words!! I was gonna hear them no matter what!). He said “Will you marry me?”.

He started crying, so did I.

I said yes.

We took some photos of the ring, the moment, the stubby-holder. We hugged, we were a bit shell-shocked, we laughed.

After a few minutes I said “Well, I’m hungry, better get back to the dinner!” And headed back in for some more lemon juice extraction.

We spent the next couple of days just digesting it. Just spending time together, talking. We didn’t tell anyone.

We finally told his parents, and then his aunt and uncle who live around the corner.

I couldnt get hold of my Mum on skype until the weekend (time difference, M working, my Mum working etc). I didnt want to tell my Mum by text message, or just on the phone by myself. I wanted us both to tell her, and for her to see us both. It’s hard enough for her to be so far away from me, and I really wanted to make a big effort for her.

Finally, a week later, I announced it on Facebook (the official record of all relationship status).

The reactions were mostly in the theme of “oh my god!” and “what the fuck?”.

I asked him why he wanted to ask me now, and not later. He said that he didnt want me to question his commitment to me in the (becoming more likely) event that I had to move to London for work. He didnt want to lose the opportunity.

From my perspective, I think we had already committed ourselves emotionally a while ago. The formal engagement was just an outward expression of what had already been decided.

I think I realised when I was on the plane back to Paris after visiting my family for the birth of my gorgeous niece. During the flight, I finished reading “The Fountainhead” by Ayn Rand. The heroine explains her love for the hero in words and actions particularly well at the end of the book. And as I thought about her type of love, I realised that there is one feature that stands out: she has no questions about their relationship. No “what if?”, no “maybe if things go like that then we can be together?” etc etc. And I think that’s the flip-side of people saying that they “just know” when they’ve met “The One”.

When I thought about all my friends who are in fantastic relationships/marriages, that’s one feature consistent in all of them. They dont have any more questions or uncertainties about their relationship. Even if they fight, disagree, argue. They just know.

And I realised that I didnt have any more questions about my relationship with M. No more second guessing, no more doubts, no more “if only he’d just do this“,  or “if only he’d be more like that“, no more insecurity.

For me, this is a logical, unquestionable, next part of the journey for us as individuals and the journey of our relationship. This is very personal, deep, and intimate.

I didnt think about what ‘this’ looks like from the outside, until it was announced and people started sending their congratulations.

And then the cliches started to roll in: “You’re engaged to a hot, romantic Frenchman, he proposed in Paris, in the springtime, with a French red wine and candlelight. And how romantic will it be to have a wedding in Paris!”

Yes, it’s true. But I never thought of it until people mentioned it. This was never an element of my French ‘dream’. Ok, I always thought that I would like to find someone who either was French or who loved France like I do (or was willing to experience it for a while). But to actually fall in love and want to commit to someone, who is French, and who loves Paris, well, that’s just a bonus.

I think I need to put my ‘Little Miss Logic’ in the drawer for a while, and allow myself to get carried away in the romance a little. After all, it’s not that often in your life when you can truly let your heart go all mushy.

There was a time, not that long ago, when I really thought my life had reached a dead end. There was no going forward, no side-paths, and not even the ability to just stagnate where I was. I found this quote (the author changes depending on which website you view), and wrote it on the inside of my diary. I couldnt see how it could be true. I couldnt see what my life could possibly be like. But it gave me hope to keep going, and to keep searching for a future.

There will come a time

when you believe

everything is finished.

That will be the beginning.

And I recently found this verse from a Sufi poem about marriage:

A new hope is born in my heart.

Because of this trip to Paris, because of M, a new hope is born in my heart. This, is just the beginning.

When you’re employed you have money to do the fantastic things you’ve dreamed about – but no time to do them.

People say “oh yes, but you’ve had a year off work, that’s a good enough holiday”.

Well, yes and [...]]]> When you’re unemployed, you have all the time in the world – but no money to do anything.

When you’re employed you have money to do the fantastic things you’ve dreamed about – but no time to do them.

People say “oh yes, but you’ve had a year off work, that’s a good enough holiday”.

Well, yes and no. Yes I’ve had some great leisure time, and have enjoyed time with friends. But I’ve had my job hunt looming like a big black cloud over my head, ready to rain on any parade in which I choose to participate. Previously exciting things just dont rate as highly on the hype-o-meter. Oh how I dream of being able to take the TGV to Lyon and eat myself into a delicious food coma, spend a weekend in Bordeaux and make friends with a wine-producer…..

But when you dont know if you’re going to get a job this month, or next year, financial resources need to be conserved = NO FUN.

The fun I have these days is a daily game to see how little I can spend. It works. Sometimes it works too well.

I have spent the past year living a non-buying mentality. This is actually quite a trendy thing to do at the moment. The anti-consumerism and anti-waste movement is growing in popularity daily. Some people have written books about how they spent a whole year not buying anything. They made their own clothes from curtains, made manual repairs to things that broke, recycled gifts, etc.

OK, I havent been that strict, but I did give nearly everything I owned away before I left, and my clothes purchases have pretty much been restricted to replacing things that had become to old to wear (eg pantyhose with holes) or essentials (more jumpers and some woollen pantyhose for winter). I have given up my expensive makeup in preference to some nifty maybelline (with one exception – I refuse to give up my expensive face cream, but have at least saved some money by asking visiting friends to buy it for me duty free).

Now that I think of it, the only treats I’ve really bought myself have been books, and I plan on passing them on – giving them away once I’ve finished with them anyway.

[Side note: This is something else I discovered as I was packing up my life last year. I had SO many books, that I'd read once, and left on the shelf, never to be touched again. When I had my "open day", when friends came around to take anything of mine they liked, I was amazed at how much joy was created around my book collection. Even after I left the country people mentioned how much they loved reading one of the books they'd selected. So my new philosophy is, unless it has REAL sentimental value or its a book I will re-read more than once, then books get given away or sold to second hand stores. This one little gesture will make a difference to other people's lives and will cut down on the number of things I have to pack and move when I change apartments!]

Most days, I dont even bother looking in clothes stores, Sephora etc. If I do, it’s usually because I’m with a friend from overseas who wants to spend up big on something fabulous from Paris (or because I’m with M, who is a terrible shopaholic when it comes to jeans, t-shirts and Nike trainers).

But even when I’m in a shop, I might see some nice things, but I just cant bring myself to buy anything. I have officially switched off the “buy” button in my brain. Whats the point of having a gorgeous pair of red stilettos if I dont have enough money to eat at the end of the month?

Speaking of eating, I have changed my eating habits dramatically as well. In Sydney, I didnt think anything of buying my lunch every day and eating out with friends in the evening. Now eating out is a luxury and I have discovered the joys of the 1 euro, 3-pack of canned lentils! Delicious with a blob of sweet chilli sauce mixed in! Dinners and lunches out are saved for when I have overseas visitors (or for when M is paying!).

Yes, it has been an exercise in restraint for financial purposes, but not spending money has really helped me to understand the difference between “want” and “need”. And it has made me stop and think before buying.

I havent changed my attitude in general though: I still believe in generosity, I still believe that I will receive what I need (through my own efforts or the generosity of others), I believe that there is more than enough of everything to go around without me being a stingy old scrooge. And generosity is not just about material things – it’s about generosity of time, effort, thought, assistance.

I think this is one of the greatest benefits I’ve had over the year: I’ve stopped thinking that I can just buy something and offer it as a gift as a display of generosity. Dont get me wrong, I LOVE to buy presents for other people, especially when it’s something that I know they’ll really love. But with my spending capacity severely limited, I’ve really focused on ways to be generous without buying. Like ironing M’s work-shirt for him when he’s really tired, writing my Nana a big long letter, making a batch of my famous eggplant pasta dish for friends when I know they’ll be arriving home late and starving from a weekend away.

Arent these the best gifts of all?

PS I found this story about  a now unemployed food-critic is learning to live off food stamps – oh the similarities in the way we approach food!

Let me tell you, if you dont have a working visa, not much is possible work wise in Paris at the moment.

Some people think that you can magically wish for a job and it will arrive. [...]]]> People have told me just to go to Paris. They think that anything is possible in the City of Romance.

Let me tell you, if you dont have a working visa, not much is possible work wise in Paris at the moment.

Some people think that you can magically wish for a job and it will arrive. Especially if you have a heart full of love and enthusiasm. That’s just not reality. They ask me over and over again why I havent found a job yet.

Other people love to tell me that unless I’m a french native, with perfect french skills, went to the best french university and am admitted to the french bar, then I’ve got no hope of getting a job in Paris. That too, is just utter bollocks. I have spent so much of my time finding jobs that required native english speakers, from foreign countries, with law degrees from common-law countries (or better still, just any law degrees, didnt matter where from), just to prove all those people wrong. Oh, how I wished that I’d kept a list of all those people so I could run their snooty noses in those job ads….

But at the end of the day, here I am, without a job.

I wasnt going to write about how depressed I’m getting about my job search, about how I just went to London in an attempt to get something there, how I searched for jobs across Europe, applied for paralegal and secretarial jobs, calculated how much I could earn working as an english teacher “under the table” (“black” in French).

But then someone said that I really should. People have so many romantic ideas about Paris and how effortless life is (especially when you have a fabulously rich french husband/boyfriend to support you). My story isnt like that. And maybe it does need to be told. Warts and all. Just to help other people who may also be starting to make the decision to pack up and leave their home town.

I have networked my butt off, followed up every lead and connection, built relationships. I’ve nearly exhausted every ounce of perseverance, motivation and resilience: things I thought I had endless amounts of.

I’m grateful in a way, because at least now I have some idea of what it feels like to be a “long term unemployed”. Being told “No” to nearly every job application is an emotional rollercoaster: the first few times you say, “Oh, you never get the first one, and anyway, it probably wasnt right, there’ll be better one’s soon”.

Then when you start to see the stream of “No”, you say “Oh well, at least there are plenty of jobs to apply for! As long as I keep applying I’ll get one just by the law of averages”.

And then there is more and more and more “No”.

You start applying for jobs expecting a No.

You open your email inbox in the morning to see 5 automated emails all saying “Despite lots of interest in your CV, we are unable to offer you a role.” And you laugh, “Oh hurrah! Today I had 5 “No” emails! That’s the biggest number of “No’s” I’ve had ever!”

Secretly, I have wondered why I even bothered applying in the first place.

People have said “Yes, but you’re unemployed in the City of Love! You can get out and explore and experience the city to your hearts delight!”. And yes it’s true, but the more desperate I have become for a job, the more I started to think that every second spent away from my job search could result in an opportunity lost. My job search has become a 24/7 occupation. “Days off” or “weekends away” fill me with guilt and fear.

And when you dont know when your next pay cheque is coming in, you cant spend money on things that arent necessities. M suggested recently that I should occasionally catch the train into Paris (now that I’m living with him in The Burbs), just to get my vibe back, sit in a cafe, read, do some exploring etc. OK, he’s right. But all I can think of is the 6 euro return train ride, the 3 euro coffee, the temptation to buy something in a cute little shop. If I stay at home and search for jobs, I dont spend any money AND I might find The Job.

And of course, I could have continued to live in Paris, just to keep my spirits up a bit. Hey, maybe even M and I could have rented our own apartment in Paris. But Paris apartments are more expensive than suburban apartments. And sharing his studio in The Burbs saves both of us money.

And it isnt even just Paris that has been tough. I have searched all over France, all through Europe (Belgium, Switzerland, Italy etc), without luck. I went to London thinking that surely, my Australian background will help me get a foot in the door. Nope. No one is sponsoring foreigners, even Australians. Too many good quality English lawyers still out of work.

I know that some of the enormous factors affecting my job search are:

• France’s generally high unemployment rate, which crept up to 10% over the past year
• General global economic uncertainty
• More recently, EU economic uncertainty.

These things are not my fault. And I knew they were there before I left Sydney. I know that I am not a crap candidate.

But the doubt creeps in slowly, slowly every day: Maybe I am crap? Maybe I have nothing to offer an organisation? Maybe everyone else is smarter, better educated, more experienced, better connected than me?

And then I remember all my colleagues at my old work, so many of them demoted, made redundant, or just left without a choice. These are super-smart, mega-candidates, that people have fought to hire. And here they are, still unemployed, or setting up their own consultancies to try and keep in the job market (and I’m sure, keep sane). It’s not just me.

All I can do is keep going. It’s either that, or emotional/spiritual/physical death. I choose to keep going.

All I can do is keep holding onto the dream.

M has been a fantastic support during this time. He has watched me slowly get more and more disillusioned. He suggested that I see out the current job applications that I have for Paris, and if none of them work out, then we can formally pursue a potential job opportunity in London that has just come up. Not that we both want to live in London, and we could, possibly, live just on his income. But he said that if I dont get back to work soon, it’s my morale and my spirit that will collapse.  And he’s right.

I’ve heard some really inspiring quotes over the past few days, from some interesting places!

Flashdance - “When you give up your dream, you die.”

Paul Coelho – “Fight for your dreams, and your dreams will fight for you.”

And of course, what would I do without my inspiring family and friends? The people the love and support me and encourage me to keep going? I owe them a debt to large to pay in a lifetime.

Would I change my decision to move to Paris? Never. Do I have regrets about the move? None. Overall, this has been an amazing experience, and a dream come true. Have I given up hope? No. I’ve still got a little bit of energy left to keep fighting for the dream…

why-i-quit-my-job-to-travel-around-the-world.

For the past year, I have been living and breathing my goals of getting a job and settling down in Paris. Its gotten to the point where I actually cant do anything nice and relax because I keep thinking about how that’s [...]]]> Sometimes I really surprise myself with how single-minded I can be about certain things.

For the past year, I have been living and breathing my goals of getting a job and settling down in Paris. Its gotten to the point where I actually cant do anything nice and relax because I keep thinking about how that’s taking me away from my job search, and how not having a job is delaying my “settling” in Paris.

I really DO need to stop and smell the roses and bit more. I’m in PARIS for christ’s sake! (Note: no religious connection intended, its just a nice phrase that accurately describes my frustration).

So, the things that I’m obsessing about are:

• Getting a job in Paris – looking up recruiters websites, looking up company websites career sections, reviewing my daily job ad emails, looking up people on LinkedIn who work for companies that I’m interested in and trying to get coffee meetings with them, what other networking functions are on, maintaining contact with current contacts, etc.

• Getting a job in London – as above.

• Getting a job anywhere else in Europe – as above.

• Where I will have dinner once I sign my contract – including who I will invite to celebrate with me, what champagne I will drink etc

• What clothes I’ll buy (once I have a job) – where I will get my work suits from, what new heels I will buy, what new clothes I can buy for weekend wear etc

• Finding an apartment to rent with M (once I get a job) – looking at internet and magazine ads for apartments to rent, which arrondissments (suburbs of Paris) I would like to live in (currently 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 11th. The 10th only if its in a really nice spot.), what furniture I’d like to put in that apartment, what parties/dinners I will have once I have that apartment and who I will invite, what I will cook etc

• Getting a little black and white French Bulldog – what we will name him (already decided: “Biloute”, which means “little dick” in Cht’i, the language of the North of France. It’s actually not meant to be offensive, it’s more like a term of endearment. I think its hilarious!), when we will walk him, how much fun it will be to take him to cafes and restaurants with us etc

• Where we will go on weekend’s away (once I have a job).

I’m dreaming about a time when I finish work for the week, M and I have a drink somewhere after work then head home for a quick comfort meal. I wake up Saturday morning and go for a jog in one of Paris’ beautiful parks, then have a leisurely brunch in a cafe, reading a French newspaper. The afternoon I’ll visit a new modern art exhibition (free), then home for a nap. That evening we start drinks, have dinner and continue on at a bar in Rue Tuiquitonne. Sunday is sleep in then croissants then meet Adam for shopping at the organic markets around lunchtime. We have a gossip and a crepe then head home. That afternoon I cook up a storm and M and I have a fantastic meal together with a lovely glass of red.

I kinda like that I’ve been so, hmm, “goals focussed”. I really have been doing a lot of “positive visualisation”! But when I cant relax and enjoy a coffee with someone because I’m wondering whether they’re going to know anyone to send my CV to, then really, I need to just chillax and get a life!

I have decided that any coffees or meetings with people now, even if for the purposes of work, will be conducted in the spirit of friendship and enjoyment of the moment.

Here endeth the lesson.

I took his advance and really DID try to just not be too hard on myself even though I really DID feel like things were all too hard, not clear, being [...]]]> I was looking back at my horoscope for 2009 (thank you Jonathan Cainer), and thought that, yet again, he really hit it on the head.

I took his advance and really DID try to just not be too hard on myself even though I really DID feel like things were all too hard, not clear, being pulled in 2 directions. Just when I felt like things were going my way, they would just as quickly start to “rewind” and completely fall away. I did try to just enjoy the ride, and I think that was the best advice anyone could have given me.

I really did think I would find a job in Paris in 2009. Well, I did. I found 2. But then they didnt have time to wait until my work visa was processed. Hence – back to square 1.

I thought I would be able to rent my own apartment, and set up my own little Parisian life. Well, I did get a cool little vibe going, just in a rented room. OK, I’ll admit, it wasnt really what I’d hoped for, but I was so lucky to find great landlords and be located in the best area in Paris (the Marais .

I did NOT want a permanent boyfriend. Too many things to do, experience, see etc. And yeah. I got a permanent boyfriend. But then, turns out that he’s fabulous and was happy to come exploring with me as well. And without him, I would NEVER have had such an authentic French experience. And my French would be nowhere near the level it is now.

I wrote on my FB profile a sentence also written by Cainer for Aquarians this week:

“To live but one hour in a state of supreme joy is to fulfill the potential of a lifetime.“

And when I think about all the reasons why I felt so strongly that I needed to take the leap and move to Paris, I realise that 2009 was really the year where I lived in a state of supreme joy, despite the difficulties. I fulfilled the potential of a lifetime: for myself, and for my Mum and my grandmother, who didnt have the same opportunities that I have. All those years of crazy dreams about being a “child of the world” and living in a country that challenged my language ability and cultural beliefs – I finally did it. And maybe also (I hope), I gave those who heard about my crazy adventure, reason to keep believing in their crazy adventure, and maybe even take a more confident, excited step towards it.

Looking back over 2009, would I have changed any of it? Nope. Not one thing.

Here’s a copy of my 2009 prediction, for those who are keen on that sort of stuff

*   *   *

Aquarius
Aquarius Year Ahead 2009

Saturn and Uranus began to form an opposition towards the end of 2008. They continue to oppose each other all year and won’t go their separate ways till 2010. Thus the sky informs us that you are in a process which has got a lot further to take you and which won’t fully clear itself up for some while.

Meanwhile, Jupiter is in Aquarius, all year. That’s about as good as it gets. It means you are going to be powerful and strong. This, you may need to be because there will be moments when you feel as if you are being torn in two. Already you are trying to be in two places at the same time or are feeling two mutually exclusive demands upon your resources. How bad is that? It depends on whether you want an easy life.

Easy lives are overrated. Lots of people have them, some of the time, at least. They often find themselves feeling empty as a result. There is no chance of you having an empty existence in 2009. Every moment is going to be rich with meaning. There will be moments when it seems to you like it’s all too much, but all that’s needed is for you to stop trying to make everything perfect. At no level of your life do you face a situation which can be neatly squared off and put away with a ribbon round it.

The secret of success in 2009, is learning to deal with paradox and mystery. We have this idea that mysteries must be solved. Actually, mysteries are not meant to be solved but celebrated. They give life depth. You’ve got mysteries in your life now; things you don’t know about and things you don’t know what on earth to do with. Nor, will you necessarily know as the year goes by. If you are going to let that eat you up, you will get eaten up. But if, instead of struggling with the waves of change and challenge that come into your life, you build yourself a psychic surfboard and say, ‘I don’t care.’ you will cruise away from all the issues that have been unsatisfactory up until now. In 2009, along with the impossible things which you have to put up with, are all the impossible things that can only come into your life when you are thinking impossible thoughts. Many of those are going to be wonderful. Embrace them.

Latest update:

You have, I trust, read the accompanying article about Saturn and Uranus, their rare opposition and how, during 2009, they will bring sudden change and challenge to just about every established, conventional institution or organisation on earth. Of course you have. You’re a diligent detail-spotting Aquarian. You went straight there first. Or if you didn’t, you were intending to any moment.

I apologise for insulting your intelligence by telling you things you already know. Or failing to appreciate how ahead of the game you are. In 2009, though, you may be glad of all the helpful reminders and pointers you can get. Something is already taxing your strength and testing your patience. Your sign is governed by BOTH Saturn… and Uranus. Think of them as your guardian angels. Now envisage them standing, back-to-back across the sky, each facing away from each other, each determined to drag you along with them. Now, think of the tough choices you are already trying to make and the many more that await you. The good news? You can make a tense situation work for you, just by deciding to be less hard on yourself and less expectant of ‘perfect solutions’. The only way to fix what looks set to be this year’s biggest problem is through some kind of fudge. Never mind forever. What about for now? Break more rules. Treat yourself to more activites that truly inspire you. That’s the way ahead for you this year. But then, you already knew that, didn’t you!

That’s not to say that I didnt realise my life was good – I knew it was great.

Thats not to say either that I didnt appreciate what I had – I was so grateful for what I had.

But I [...]]]> I didnt realise how good my life was until I got here and realised it was gone.

That’s not to say that I didnt realise my life was good – I knew it was great.

Thats not to say either that I didnt appreciate what I had – I was so grateful for what I had.

But I seriously lacked the depth of understanding.

I did, really, take a lot of things for granted. Like the cheap cost of living, variety of restaurants, perfectly fabulous group of friends where each one is an absolute star that I would happily spend hours with. I didnt realise that the friends I have in Sydney are the result of year and years of culling and careful selection, a gradual build-up of fantastic people. I thought I could make friends in Paris quickly and easily, and while I’ve met lots of new people, there are not many I would be willing to keep as friends. Or is a friend an acquaintance that has shared years of trials and tribulations with you, and has become a friend through proof of commitment? I didnt realise that making friends was actually a very complex process.

I thought I would find out who my ‘real’ friends were by those who stayed in contact with me. Actually, staying in contact superficially is  quite easy and doesnt necessarily mean that someone is a good friend. Some of the people I’ve realised are good friends dont always contact me. But they are are the one’s who are first to support me when things are a bit tough, the one’s who encourage me to keep going and remind me why I’m doing this in the first place.

That said, what I also didnt realise, was how comfortable I would be here in Paris.

I knew I would like it, that I would enjoy it. I thought I would like living here.

But it’s turned out to be more than that.

I find that I have a lot in common, in general with Paris and Parisiens. I have discovered that I havent really had to change my personality to be “socially correct” all that much at all and that most of the ways I’ve changed have been in ways that I’ve enjoyed changing.

I am loving politeness. I’m loving the bitching about paying too much in taxes and yet getting so excited about government paid leisure activities (Paris Plage for example: 3 “beaches” created next to the Seine by way of truckloads of sand, temporary restaurants, palm trees, book hire, hammocks and deck chairs etc etc – who needs to leave the city for holidays?!!). I’m loving that people dont eat and walk at the same time. I love that at a dinner party everyone will agree that the wine doesnt go with the meal, and the host will put the cork back in and select another. Takeaway coffees dont exist.

I didnt realise that I would be so comfortable with the French acceptance of both the pains and joys in life. Life is lived passionately, joyfully. Even anger, sadness and depression is, I wont say “welcomed”, but “accepted” as a facet of human existence. Emotion is a normal part of living, and there is no shame in showing it publicly.

I didnt realise how much of an English “stiff upper lip” I have, and how cold and repressed I can be.

What I did realise, was that living in France would give me a whole new perspective on life. And I’m still so grateful to have the opportunity to broaden and deepen my experience of life.  I hope it makes me a better person. I think it’s started a little already

“These days many of my dreams are coming true. [...]]]> This passage was written by Blanca Vergara, and originally appeared in “Hall of Mirrors”, her free monthly newsletter, available at www.blancavergara.com. It’s an encouraging piece for me, which is something I need to help keep my job-hunting movtivation levels up. Hope you enjoy it too

“These days many of my dreams are coming true. The life that I have today is closer to my dream life than yesterday’s life. Everyday I have to make adaptations to “cope” with the wonders of my new life. Each adaptation implies more focus on what I do want and letting go of what was my past. Each adaptation demands from me to be closer to the dream and to refuse to be seduced by the mediocre and comfortable past. My vision of my dream life is my point of stability in this high speed reality. Holding on to it makes me stable in the flux and flexible for new opportunities.

Having a vision of your dream life is a self fulfilling prophecy. Having a vision of success is for your unconscious mind no different to having actual success in reality. Visualizing the realization of your dream projects is more powerful when you make real space to welcome it. Yes, I mean real space: new binders for the documentation of the new customers, empty drawers for the new clothes you’ll have, smaller size dress for your new slim body, empty hours in your agenda; open eyes, mind and heart to receive what comes…

When you are wandering in the woods, you are not lost. You are acquiring skills and life experience that will ease your way towards fulfilling your true mission. You are acquiring clarity about what your mission is and even how to make it concrete. Wonder! Close those books, switch off (preferably get rid off) that television, switch off the radio… Listen! Listen to the birds, listen to the wind, listen to your heart, and listen to your own wisdom. You have access to infinite intelligence, to infinite wisdom. You just need to listen. Listen and your wisdom will take you to your path. Don’t worry; be gentle to yourself, your path will wait for you until you are ready.“

Its funny how time just slips away from you even when you’re not working. Lots of people have asked me what I do all day, especially now that I’m not going to french classes at Alliance Francaise every morning.

But looking for work is actually a [...]]]> OK,  I admit, its been a long time between blogs. Apologies.

Its funny how time just slips away from you even when you’re not working. Lots of people have asked me what I do all day, especially now that I’m not going to french classes at Alliance Francaise every morning.

But looking for work is actually a full time job. As is familiarising yourself with the city and trying to make friends. OK, its a pretty comfy “job”, but still, it does get busy…..

And I have been blogging, just in my notebook, rather than on my blog page (naughty…..).

So, what HAVE I been doing?

Looking for a job!

My job-search strategy is to develop and use networks rather than send my CV out to every last recruitment agency and law firm in Paris. Every foreigner here says it doesnt work and now that the international law firms are sending ex-pats home and asking people to take sabbaticals, I know that my CV will literally end up cold and dusty in a grey HR folder. “cough”.

So instead, I’m joining groups! Like European Professional Women’s Network, Australian Business In Europe, Advance, Women’s Investment Group, Ex-Pats-Paris, Intonations and Meetup. OK, some of these have a dual-purpose of helping to find friends, but the more friends you have the more people you have looking out for jobs for you!

I’m also following up any leads. These are either contacts for actual jobs, people who know the industry or people who know about ways I can work in Paris legally without getting sponsored (which is pretty tricky given the current financial crisis). This has meant more coffees, lunches, afterwork drinks and strolls in the park than I care to remember! Yes, they are coffees and glasses of Cote du Rhone in quaint cafes and bars in Paris -  boo hoo poor me – but they are still “work” related nonetheless. And they take up time!

And surprisingly, the job search process has actually been quite an emotional one for me. For lots of reasons. And thats taken a lot of time mentally and emotionally to deal with, consciously and subconsciously. There’s a whole blog on that one….

Getting to know my city and my “quartier” (suburb)!

The only way to get to know your city and your suburb is to hang out it in. Yes, sometimes that means finding a cafe, sitting in it, drinking more coffee than is recommended and watching the world go by. Sometimes this will take several hours. Its not a luxury, its research. Its acclimatising. Reducing culture shock. How can you understand the daily, living culture of Paris by staring at the Mona Lisa in the Louvre? No one can say they know Paris unless they’ve spent a good portion of their life sitting in a cafe. Its their culture, I’m just trying to fit in…..

Anyway, I’ve got at least 3 more blog posts sitting in draft or in my notebook, so I promise that I’ll get them finished and out asap!

Are you happy now Adam and Andrew? Huh?