The Pain of Paris

People have told me just to go to Paris. They think that anything is possible in the City of Romance.

Let me tell you, if you dont have a working visa, not much is possible work wise in Paris at the moment.

Some people think that you can magically wish for a job and it will arrive. Especially if you have a heart full of love and enthusiasm. That’s just not reality. They ask me over and over again why I havent found a job yet.

Other people love to tell me that unless I’m a french native, with perfect french skills, went to the best french university and am admitted to the french bar, then I’ve got no hope of getting a job in Paris. That too, is just utter bollocks. I have spent so much of my time finding jobs that required native english speakers, from foreign countries, with law degrees from common-law countries (or better still, just any law degrees, didnt matter where from), just to prove all those people wrong. Oh, how I wished that I’d kept a list of all those people so I could run their snooty noses in those job ads….

But at the end of the day, here I am, without a job.

I wasnt going to write about how depressed I’m getting about my job search, about how I just went to London in an attempt to get something there, how I searched for jobs across Europe, applied for paralegal and secretarial jobs, calculated how much I could earn working as an english teacher “under the table” (“black” in French).

But then someone said that I really should. People have so many romantic ideas about Paris and how effortless life is (especially when you have a fabulously rich french husband/boyfriend to support you). My story isnt like that. And maybe it does need to be told. Warts and all. Just to help other people who may also be starting to make the decision to pack up and leave their home town.

I have networked my butt off, followed up every lead and connection, built relationships. I’ve nearly exhausted every ounce of perseverance, motivation and resilience: things I thought I had endless amounts of.

I’m grateful in a way, because at least now I have some idea of what it feels like to be a “long term unemployed”. Being told “No” to nearly every job application is an emotional rollercoaster: the first few times you say, “Oh, you never get the first one, and anyway, it probably wasnt right, there’ll be better one’s soon”.

Then when you start to see the stream of “No”, you say “Oh well, at least there are plenty of jobs to apply for! As long as I keep applying I’ll get one just by the law of averages”.

And then there is more and more and more “No”.

You start applying for jobs expecting a No.

You open your email inbox in the morning to see 5 automated emails all saying “Despite lots of interest in your CV, we are unable to offer you a role.” And you laugh, “Oh hurrah! Today I had 5 “No” emails! That’s the biggest number of “No’s” I’ve had ever!”

Secretly, I have wondered why I even bothered applying in the first place.

People have said “Yes, but you’re unemployed in the City of Love! You can get out and explore and experience the city to your hearts delight!”. And yes it’s true, but the more desperate I have become for a job, the more I started to think that every second spent away from my job search could result in an opportunity lost. My job search has become a 24/7 occupation. “Days off” or “weekends away” fill me with guilt and fear.

And when you dont know when your next pay cheque is coming in, you cant spend money on things that arent necessities. M suggested recently that I should occasionally catch the train into Paris (now that I’m living with him in The Burbs), just to get my vibe back, sit in a cafe, read, do some exploring etc. OK, he’s right. But all I can think of is the 6 euro return train ride, the 3 euro coffee, the temptation to buy something in a cute little shop. If I stay at home and search for jobs, I dont spend any money AND I might find The Job.

And of course, I could have continued to live in Paris, just to keep my spirits up a bit. Hey, maybe even M and I could have rented our own apartment in Paris. But Paris apartments are more expensive than suburban apartments. And sharing his studio in The Burbs saves both of us money.

And it isnt even just Paris that has been tough. I have searched all over France, all through Europe (Belgium, Switzerland, Italy etc), without luck. I went to London thinking that surely, my Australian background will help me get a foot in the door. Nope. No one is sponsoring foreigners, even Australians. Too many good quality English lawyers still out of work.

I know that some of the enormous factors affecting my job search are:

• France’s generally high unemployment rate, which crept up to 10% over the past year
• General global economic uncertainty
• More recently, EU economic uncertainty.

These things are not my fault. And I knew they were there before I left Sydney. I know that I am not a crap candidate.

But the doubt creeps in slowly, slowly every day: Maybe I am crap? Maybe I have nothing to offer an organisation? Maybe everyone else is smarter, better educated, more experienced, better connected than me?

And then I remember all my colleagues at my old work, so many of them demoted, made redundant, or just left without a choice. These are super-smart, mega-candidates, that people have fought to hire. And here they are, still unemployed, or setting up their own consultancies to try and keep in the job market (and I’m sure, keep sane). It’s not just me.

All I can do is keep going. It’s either that, or emotional/spiritual/physical death. I choose to keep going.

All I can do is keep holding onto the dream.

M has been a fantastic support during this time. He has watched me slowly get more and more disillusioned. He suggested that I see out the current job applications that I have for Paris, and if none of them work out, then we can formally pursue a potential job opportunity in London that has just come up. Not that we both want to live in London, and we could, possibly, live just on his income. But he said that if I dont get back to work soon, it’s my morale and my spirit that will collapse.  And he’s right.

I’ve heard some really inspiring quotes over the past few days, from some interesting places!

Flashdance - “When you give up your dream, you die.”

Paul Coelho – “Fight for your dreams, and your dreams will fight for you.”

And of course, what would I do without my inspiring family and friends? The people the love and support me and encourage me to keep going? I owe them a debt to large to pay in a lifetime.

Would I change my decision to move to Paris? Never. Do I have regrets about the move? None. Overall, this has been an amazing experience, and a dream come true. Have I given up hope? No. I’ve still got a little bit of energy left to keep fighting for the dream…