Important things to know when in Paris

There are a lot of things about eating (and drinking!) that people dont know when they come to Paris. Some things will be overlooked as simple cultural misunderstandings, but other things will have Parisians seriously fuming and talking in hushed tones with their colleagues about how “rude” tourists are.

I have made so many mistakes, but each mistake has brought me further and further behind the Parisian “Cold Front”: the seemingly impenetrable facade of arrogance and disinterest.

I’ve added to this list for about a year now. I keep adding and adding, never knowing when the list will be complete and I can finally write a nice piece on them (or perhaps have an idea of how to break them up into little sub-categories. But having all these incomplete posts in my drafts is driving me batty! so I’m just going to post my list and come back to it later (perhaps when I get an offer for a book deal….. lol).

And this list form is probably easier for you all to read as well! (but dont be surprised if I start changing it bit by bit and it starts to look more and more categorised and polished!)

Entering and Leaving a Cafe/Restaurant/Bar

• Golden Rule for all restaurants, cafes, bars and small shops: You MUST say “Bonjour Monsieur” or “Bonjour Madame” to the first person you see (and also any other waiters/staff you pass as you head to your table). The French see eating establishments and shops in the same way as they see their home. Would you walk into someone’s house without saying hello and casually go through their cupboards? Do you not say good night to you friends as you leave after dinner? Waiters are not there to provide a service to anyone who walks in the door, in the same way that you dont have to accept just anyone into your house. Behave badly, and a waiter will be sure to tell you, or ask you to leave. You are there to ASK if they would SO GRACIOUSLY provide you with a coffee. It’s the restaurants decision as to whether they will serve you or not. And in Paris, with so many tourists, they really CAN afford to be picky. They would much rather be treated with respect than take your money. They are proud people. Which is kinda noble, in a way, but is also perhaps a factor contributing to France’s languishing economy.

• When leaving an establishment, always say at least one of the following “Merci” (Thank you), “Au revoir” (Good bye), “Bonne journee” (Have a good day). If you manage to squeeze in all three, you’re on a winner!

Dealing with waiters during the meal

These points are actually universal for dealing with Frenchies in any situation. They are guaranteed winners for getting a gentle, helpful response and a smile.

• Always apologise first when you need to ask a question or seek their assistance. Even if you dont know how to say this in French, say it in English and put an “I’m sorry” expression on your face. The classic line is “Excuse me, I’m sorry to disturb you, but I have a small problem…..”.
• To get somones attention in a cafe/restaurant you say: “S’il vous plait…”

Coffee Rules

“Un cafe” literally translates as “a coffee”. But in practical terms, it means a small cup of coffee, straight up: ie a short black or espresso. If you are asked if you would like a coffee, and you respond “Oui”, then your waiter will rush off and get you a short black. If you want another type of coffee then you need to respond with the name of the type of coffee you would like (even if that means not saying “Oui”). This is just done out of habit because most French people only drink short black coffees. They believe that milk in your coffee is bad for your liver (?).

If you want to be considered as a local, then a great way to show it is to ask for “une noisette”. This is the same as the Italian “Macchiato” and is basically an espresso (short black coffee) with a dollop of milk. (I think the French call it a “noisette” because the word means “Hazelnut” and that’s aboug the size of the blob of milk that goes in the cup. But maybe I just made that up…lol). Sometimes they add the blob of milk for you, but you may also get a jug of warm milk on the side to add to your own taste.

“Allonge” – This is a large black coffee, usually an espresso shot with some added hot water.

If you want a coffee with lots of milk (White Coffee, Flat White, Cafe Latte), then ask for a “Cafe Creme”. Whatever you do, dont ask for a “Cafe Au Lait”. You will most likely get a cup of disgusting American coffee that tastes like boiled dishcloths. Some places will do a Cappucino, but dont bank on it. France is also a little like Italy when it comes to coffee with lots of milk: It’s seen as a breakfast drink, and definitely not something to have with lunch or in the afternoon. But at the end of the day, just drink whatever you feel like and let the waiter give you a funny look – your stomach is the boss!

Sometimes you may be given a little (wrapped) square of dark chocolate with your coffee, or a little biscuit. If you’re lucky, you may be given a biscuit called a “speculoos”, which is a delicious spicy caramelised hunk of Belgian goodness!

Before you Start to Eat or Drink – The Aperitif

Most French people will have a little glass of something while they’re reading the menu and waiting for their meal to arrive.

You’re not obligated to drink alcohol, even a glass of juice or sparkling water is fine.

And of course, you can say that you dont want anything (but be prepared for the waiter and your fellow French diners to think you’re weird).

One classic French favourite is the “Kir”. It originates from the days when preservatives and cooling wasnt around and wine often went off quickly. To keep it “fresh” and to disguise the slightly off taste, they would add a dash of sweet fruity liqueur to the wine. These days, it’s often a nice little glass of white wine (usually Sancerre) with your choice of fruit liqueur: “Peche” (Peach), “Cassis” (Blackcurrant), or “Mure” (Blackberry/Mulberry) are the usual choices. To really go crazy, try a “Kir Royale”, which is a glass of champagne with Cassis. Yum…

Ordering Water with your Meal

It’s never required that you order a pricey bottle of water. Be like the French and ask for a carafe d’eau. If you want to order a bottle of water, ask for gazeuse (with gas) or plat (flat, without gas). Be sure to specify when you order.

Drinks dont normally come with ice, but you might get lucky. You can ask for some more though.

Choosing the Wine

Dont be put off by ordering wine by the carafe. It’s usually pretty good quality and not expensive.

If you have no idea which wine to order, ask the waiter (this also scores brownie points). Unlike Australia, nearly every French person has a fantastic wine knowledge and can happily recommend something to go with your meal and within your price-range (although, as always, beware the waiter who is just trying to get you to order the most expensive wine on the menu because you’re a “tourist”). If you’re too shy, then a Sancerre is a good white wine (although a bit sweet) and a Côte du Rhône is a red that will usually go with everything.

Ordering Meat Dishes

When ordering red meat you will always be asked how you would like it cooked.

Bleu (Blue) means “rare”. Raw meat, hardly cooked, which is how many French people eat beef.

Saignante is medium-rare.

A point (to the point) is medium

Bien cuit is well-done.

If you order something “Tartare” that means that the meat is raw, completely uncooked. Steak Tartare is a French speciality and comes mixed with raw egg, herbs and Wostershire sauce (sometimes Tabasco too). They may just give you the meat and you get to add everything else to your liking and mix it on the plate. You can also ask for this “Aller/Retour” (There and Back), which is the patty seared quickly on each side.

One thing that I absolutely insist on is that my Confit de Carnard (Duck Confit) be very very crispy on the outside. No flabby fatty skin thank you very much! I’m not the only one who thinks so either: http://www.davidlebovitz.com/archives/2009/01/where_is_the_best_duck_confit_in.html

When ordering, it’s best to ask for your Confit de Carnard “bien grille”, to guarantee a yummy crunchy skin.

Tipping

A service charge is always included in the amount shown on the bill (look for the words “service compris”, so tipping isnt really expected. It is still a nice way to show that you’ve been given good service though. Most Parisians just round up to the nearest dollar. For a sit down dinner for two, probably 2 or 3 euros is fine. That said, if you’ve had excellent service, then tipping 5 or 10% will certainly be appreciated To keep waiter’s tipping expectations down when you’re eating in touristy areas, make sure to mention that you’re Australian and not American…