Why I now consider myself to be a very elegant chair
- Seems like most French people (a generalisation of course) either dont want to/dont need to be introduced say, to a group of friends in a bar or at a party. Its ok to just make eye contact and wait for an opportunity to speak to each other. So it is possible to be out with a group of maybe 8 people, and only meet and speak to 5 of them the whole night. They also arent keen on telling you their name or asking for yours. So even out of the 5 people that you do speak to, you may only know the names of 2 of them. Its ok just to greet with a kiss on each cheek, a smile and maybe (although I’m starting to think this is also “not done”) an “enchante” (“nice to meet you”). Thats it. There’s a book (quite old now) that is supposed to be a classic on French culture, called “French or Foe?” by an American called Polly Platt. She deals with the issue as follows: “It helps to be an elegant chair when you’re introduced to Parisians, because not only do they not waste smiles on strangers, they dont clog up their brains with their names. People who do seem distinctly odd to them….After removing your smile, wipe out all concern for your own name or anyone elses when you walk in the door. You’re a chair……Then, when no one smiles at you or talks to you, you wont be suprised. Who talks to a chair? But that doesnt mean you’re not much admired and worth a zillion at an auction. As a chair you dont have to smile, or talk either. You can just be interestingly silent. Think of it as a relief. There are only a few moments when you have to be a handshaking chair which can say the words “Bonsoir, monsieur. Bonsoir madame.” As a chair, you will not be tempted to tell anyone you’re “glad to meet them” (this shows very bad manners), or break the sacred French rule of never asking personal questions. I am overdoing it with this chair business but believe me, it helps when you’ve been introduced to the last stranger, the host has rushed back to greet the next arriving guests and you’re left staring into space.“.
- Maybe its just because drinks are so damn expensive here in Paris, but in anycase, it seems that if you’re out in a group, you only have to buy drinks for yourself or your really good friends. In Sydney, if you’re out in a group, and you’re chatting to a couple of people who are “new” to the group, its quite normal to say “I’m going to the bar, would you like me to get you a drink while I’m there?”. Just doesnt happen here. After the fortune I spent last night out with Fred and his friends, I think I will definitely be adopting this approach…..
How’s that “interestingly silent” thing working out for you — hardly see you as the moody french type!!! And don’t you dare pick up smoking either