Thoughts on the plane from Paris to Sydney - Nov 09

In the end, I didnt want to leave Paris.

I didnt want to go back to Sydney. I didnt want to leave M. I didnt want to leave my new language behind. I didnt want to leave my budding new life.

Paris switched on its magnetic pull, straining my heart-strings.

M was devastated that I was leaving for 3 weeks and what was left of my heart nearly broke just watching him at the airport.

I got on the plane anyway. Because I had to. Because it was important. Because if I wasnt in Sydney for the birth of my little niece, and wasnt able to share that with my family, then I would regret it forever.

Nevertheless, I’ve been trying to analyse in more depth, why I didnt want to go back. It was more than about what I was leaving behind in Paris. There was almost a resistance to go to Sydney.

Why? It’s summer, and the weather had been great.  Its my hometown, I know it, its my comfort zone. There’s my family and all the friends that I love.

I think that maybe one of the reasons is baggage. I have such a long history in Sydney, that it necessarily holds so many reminders of so many events. It feels heavy. It also doesnt hold much wonder for me anymore. Maybe a few more bars have opened since March, more buses have become pre-pay, ok, sure, thats different.

But I am a glutton for punishment, and I seem to relish the hard road to achieving goals.

Challenges and obstacles are the fuel for my fire.

Paris is a great big semi-trailer full of coal. Sydney is a matchstick.

I’m sure one day I will feel differently. One day, I think particularly when I have kids, I will look at Sydney again with fresh eyes and feel the pull of the ocean and the lifestyle, the quality of life. I’ve never denied that Sydney is an amazing place to live, and that I really have been blessed.

But for now, Sydney, you and I need a separation. A break in the relationship. I still love you, but I need to do some things before I can settle down with you. I hate to say this, but I need to tell you that I’m having an affair with a fantastic French city called Paris. We’re living together. I hope you dont mind…..